Just Passing Thru

A Sense of Stability From Observing Traditions

7:33 PM

Should We Force Our Children to Study?

6:04 PM

Parents have the responsibility to ensure that their own children are provided access to the processes that would allow them to lead productive lives in the future. One of the most fundamental processes is that of academic learning which typically requires a number of years of formal schooling. As opposed to practical learning which can be derived from daily life with or without written or oral instructions, academic learning requires specific methodologies to be effective.

When we submit our children to the traditional educational system, we signify our acceptance of school policies. Inherent in these policies is measuring the performance of a child through test results and this is where the stress and pressure commonly felt by children and parents alike arises. The general idea is not simply to pass a certain level but to hurdle it in flying colors through excellent grades.

With the exception of a few gifted children who need not burn the candle lights in order to excel in school, an average child will have to put in considerable effort and time to achieve the same result. Parents are sometimes put in a very perplexing spot when a child hits a particularly rough spot in the learning process. Should parents push or restrain themselves from intervening?

Pushing or forcing a child to study more borders on the thin line that separates supportive and abusive methods. Children have different capabilities and it is the job of the parent to determine their own children's level. By knowing this, parents will be able to determine whether they are dealing with study problems caused by lack of effort or genuine stumbling blocks that can be remedied by environmental changes or professional help.

My Say

I personally do not advocate pushing children's study to the point of punishing them but neither do I advocate allowing children to resign themselves to mediocrity. Parents sometimes make wrong decisions in their eagerness to provide the best opportunities for their children and I have to admit I've had my share. In our home, my children are made to understand that they are expected to do the best they can in the same manner that my husband and I are expected to lend our full support in all aspects of their learning. No one is allowed to give up before the fight is over.

That said, I cannot ask for anything beyond the best of what my children can offer but I will most certainly not settle for their least efforts. When their best has been offered, I rest my case regardless of results.

Of Renewing Family Ties

3:16 PM

My ten year-old son had always lamented why he seldom sees members of my side of the family as compared to that of his father's side who make it a point to hold a yearly reunion. A typical Gaudinez Family "reunion" would most probably be a dinner hosted by any of the visiting family member based abroad. Admittedly, these occassions are quite few and far between.

Upon receiving an invitation to such an occassion from my cousin Jun and his wife Beng in their most recent return to the Philippines, my son was quite excited and asked me to make sure that I introduce him and his younger sister to each and everyone so that they would remember. It was such a huge disappointment to him that he got sick the night before and therefore could not come. I decided not to come lest I further his disappointment in leaving him behind. My husband prevailed on me to go since events such as this do not happen often. After making sure that my son was okay, I went to the designated place with my youngest daughter in tow.

I am very glad that I did come as it was a wonderful time to renew family ties with the ever-gracious couple Jun and Beng, with my Uncle Bebet and his wife Juliet and children Cheska and Alexis, with my cousin Willie and his wife Chato and their children, with my cousin Cong and her husband James and their children, and of course with Tita Charing. It was also a time to meet Melchor, Jun's brother, and his partner Ashley. It was a time to be happy and forget all earthly worries while in the company of true family. It was a relief to be moving within a group that have accepted each other's idiosyncrasies, able to laugh at ourselves without feeling laughed at.

The worries of everyday life may have dulled my sensitivities to the importance of maintaining family connections for some time. My son's youthful anticipation has forced me to look in retrospect to things that we usually take for granted such as family ties. My relatives are probably unaware that I feel a sense of dread for our family get-togethers, believing that I'll always suffer in comparison in terms of accomplishment and material wealth. It was always my sense of duty and family that prevailed thus my consistent presence in family gatherings. I soon began to realize that nobody seems to be counting any way, so why should I be so hard on myself?

Today, I learned an important lesson through the eyes of a child who had no room for pretension and needless anxiety. The things we treasure most have always been with us and have always been staring back at us, waiting to be discovered or rediscovered. Some people say you'll know what is most important to you in this world when you know the answer to the question: What will you do if it was the last day of your life on earth? I was given a preview of my probable answer during a life-and-death situation involving my husband when I cried desperately to the Lord to take everything else but my family. During my most difficult times, I look back to that moment to remind me that all other problems pale in comparison to the prospect of losing a family member. In our gravest moments, we return to the basics, realizing that what we have been pursuing all our life is not that important after all.

Here's a toast to the family and everything that it represents. Here's hoping that the next Gaudinez Family reunion would include more members and allow all those based abroad to be miraculously here in the Philippines at the same time. My son will probably have the time of his life getting to know all of them.

My Say

Family members may be go their separate ways for some time due to marriage, work , and the pursuit of ambition but always there is a family to come home to. There need not be any special reason to get together , just the desire to bond and keep the lines open and the ties tighter. When we are among family, we are truly home.

That said, I resolve to be more available for this kind of occasions and play a big part in renewing family ties.

30th birthday

Thirty Years Ago, Today

5:38 PM

Ambos Mundos

Remembering My Father, NENE AMBOS

3:05 AM

Born on November 6, 1935 to Jose Valdezco Gaudinez Sr. and Antipaz de Leon, my father was christened Jose de Leon Gaudinez Jr. Deprived of his mother's care at a very young age due to her early demise, he grew up wise to the ways of the world like the typical "Batang Quiapo" yet maintained a semblance of aristocracy about him that probably came from the upbringing of his aunt, Anacleta.

He prefers quality in his clothes, shoes and other personal belongings, going for brand names such as Montagut, Bally and Rolex but is equally comfortable in "korto" which is very similar to the walking shorts and "bakya" or wooden clogs commonly used for marketing. Let us just say that he experienced the best of both worlds, just like the business that got permanently associated with him.

AMBOS MUNDOS RESTAURANT was established by the siblings of his mother. The name translates to Both Worlds or Two Worlds as represented by Spanish and Filipino cuisines. Having no children of their own, the business was passed on to my father and his brothers, Carlos and Luis.

My father got the main establishment directly from Felisa de Leon which was the one located at Estero Cegado Street while his two brothers got one branch each. His brothers eventually chose to close their respective branch restaurants and ventured into other fields. It was only my father who chose to continue. In due time, the name NENE AMBOS stuck to him like glue to paper.

NENE was my father's nickname while AMBOS was the first word of the business that he would treasure so much. His dedication to it was unassailable and used such dedication to provide for the needs of our family which included my mother, Maria and my siblings Emmanuel, Gregorio, Feliciano, Martina, myself and the only grandchild he saw, Daphne.

AMBOS MUNDOS RESTAURANT had to transfer in the 1980s to Pedro Paterno Street in Quiapo for reasons related to the construction of the Light Railway Transit. This is the last legally recognized AMBOS MUNDOS RESTAURANT. It has been passed on to me by my father in the hope that our generation can continue the tradition of passing it on to our own descendants. This part of our story however needs another article to be fully understood.

My father died before reaching the age of 53 due to kidney failure, a complication of his diabetes. By some twist of fate, he spent his dying days still operating AMBOS MUNDOS RESTAURANT but finally passed on quietly to the other life in a house near his youngest brother's. His brother Roberto came just in time. Without need for words, my father leaned on my shoulders and breathed his last. It was April 20, 1988, the death anniversary of his father, Jose Sr., probably in answer to his pleadings to his Papa to take him and give him rest.

He would have been 75 years old if he was alive today. He was a tower of strength when he was alive. I'll always remember him that way as even in his weakest moments, he showed strength in accepting the inevitable.

My Say

We are who we are today because of our parents. We seldom think of them as an individual apart from being a parent. When we try to discover what lies beneath the parenting facet, we will be surprised to discover a human being who has his own thoughts and own feelings which are often relegated to the background for what they see as the higher good of serving the family interest first.

In our home, my father was the "bad cop" in the usual parenting ploy of "good cop - bad cop". He was the strict one and the scary one but in the same breath, he was the one who attended school meetings, brought us to parties, and fetched us from our school activities while waiting patiently outside however long it took. He was gone too soon that I wasn't able to say everything that I would have liked to tell him.

That said, I am dedicating this blog to my father, Jose de Leon Gaudinez Jr. in the hope that he can see from wherever he is that his efforts have not been in vain. His death anniversary April 20, shall henceforth be considered this blog's anniversary. This is to declare that Nene Ambos passed through this world once like all of us who are just passing thru.

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