Image Source: kmberggren.com

Motherhood is said to complete the essence of a woman.  Does this mean to say that women who are unable to bear biological children are less of a woman or for that matter less of a mother?  I don't think so.

Women who are blessed like me to have children of our own can easily be "unmother-like" if we are not careful enough of how we interact with them in the same way that women who have not had children can be the most "mother-like" beings in this world to children they choose to take care of.  The inability to bear children either by choice for remaining single or by fate due to some medical condition should not limit the capacity of women for motherhood.

I believe women in this situation are being called to answer the call of motherhood in a different way.  It takes tremendous love and sense of giving to be able to truly nurture our own children but it takes much more to be able to love a child who is not our own in the biological sense. This is probably why adoption and other ways of taking care of another's child is such a noble thing to do. 

My Say

Not every woman will be a biological mother but this should not prevent any woman from giving in to her natural instinct of nurturing and caring for a child.  Many mothers take their children fof granted while many who have not been blessed with a child are moving heaven and earth to have one.  The important thing to consider is that every woman has the power to make a positive change in a child's life, whether as a biolgical mother or as an adoptive mother.

That said, it makes much sense for women who are physically, emotionally, psychologically, and materially capable to decide to take care of one child and help make his or her life better.

Bebet was my uncle who I never got around to calling Uncle Bebet, Tito Bebet, or Tiyo Bebet.  I knew he was my father's brother but since his age was closer to our generation than that of his brothers, I grew up seeing him  more as one of my cousins.  In family gatherings , he almost always ends up being photographed with us instead of the older generation.  And so to me and the rest of my siblings and first cousins in my father's side, he was simply Bebet.

This photo will show you just exactly what I mean.  A much younger Bebet beside his best-friend/nephew Jun is shown with his three much older brothers towering behind him, (my father Nene, Tito Carlito and Tito Luis) along with Tita Baby and Lolo Peping.  The rest of us came almost successively, not very long after this photo was taken, thus the age difference really wasn't that much so as to make Bebet's seniority to us very obvious to everyone.



There are probably only two moments that stand out in my memory when such actual seniority was summoned by him at least with respect to me.  Bebet was every inch my father's brother when he lent his full support and guidance during one of the most difficult times of my life when my father died.  The next and the last instance was when he told me about his terminal sickness.  It was very difficult for me to understand how anyone can accept certain death with calm acceptance.  In fact, it was so difficult that I had no words, only silent tears.

He said it was okay because he has lived a full life.  That comforted me in a way and the thought continues to comfort me now that he has passed on.  Like the rest of us, he did not have a perfect life but I believe he got to finish most of what he had to do, which is something most of us are still trying to accomplish.


                                                       
                                                                   
My Say

Life is too short to finish everything we want to finish.  

That said, let us try to make the most out of the time allotted to us.  Have a peaceful journey Bebet.

Image Source: anthonyburrill.com

People often fail to recognize the significance of work in everyday life especially if they are not holding their dream jobs or earning a big income from it.  We often forget that the job we have now is a stepping stone towards achieving what we've always hoped to attain career-wise.  What we do today with out present jobs will have an effect on the opportunities that will be made available to us in the future.

The Philippine Setting

Labor Day in the Philippines is usually greeted by rallies and demonstrations of workers asking for better pay.  Pay determines the quality of life that we can afford to live but to most people, pay is a matter of survival. It represents the capacity of a person to provide for basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter.  The simplest form of entertainment and even education are considered luxuries by many.  Work simply becomes a daily grind to make ends meet.

Most Filipinos are underemployed, meaning that their capacities and abilities far exceed the requirements of their jobs.  This is seen as a preferred option than being unemployed.  However, this situation gives rise to job dissatisfaction which manifests itself in the general conduct and behavior of employees.


The Other Side of Work

Work, to most of us equates to a means of livelihood.  We work because we need  to put food on our table, own or rent a house, and pay for  necessities like clothes, utilities, education, healthcare, and many others.  Work is almost always the equivalent in money currency. 


Because most of us are busy earning a livelihood, it is easy to forget that work also offers an opportunity to be of service to others.   Service is work's higher calling and everyone can do it in everyday life regardless of what jobs we have.  Raising our work to this level can offset to a certain degree whatever lack we have in monetary pay.

My Say

Love your work, value your work.  If you simply can't, find another!  Find that place where you can put your talents to good use.  Make other people thankful that you are there and not someone else.

That said, people often forget the significance of work in everyday life and usually realize its value when it is lost.

The Martinez Family Pabasa is held every year in Pililla, Rizal.   I heard a very interesting conversation between my husband and my eleven-year old son during Holy Week and it went this way:

Son:  Why do we have to go back to Pililla again tomorrow?

Father:  My family is in charge of the "Pabasa" this year and it is my responsibility to be there to be   present and help in any way I can and because you are my son, you have the same responsibility as I do. I expect you and your sister to carry on when your turn comes.

Just to put this conversation in its proper perspective, a Pabasa is a Philippine tradition that involves the non-stop recitation of an epic narrative of the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ in a chanting manner. Based on Philippine custom, the host of the Pabasa provides for the needs of the chanters including food and refreshments.  For this year, my husband's family serves as the host for this event in their father's hometown in Pililla, Rizal.  Their turn comes every five years but this is actually the very first time that our family gets to have any direct participation in it since my father-in-law has already passed away.




For this year, we decided to try our best to be present from Good Friday to Easter Sunday which necessitated going back and forth for three days between Manila and Pililla.  Although the trip is not exactly monumentally long, it can be very trying on the patience of children, especially with the heat and traffic.  My son's question is not in any form a complaint but a manifestation of a typical behavior observed in many children of never-ending why's .  I saw the surprise in my son's face when his seemingly innocent question triggered a very serious answer from his father.  Coming from my husband who is generally playful with our children even in conversations, his answer was indeed a mouthful.  It bore an air of finality and appears to be non-negotiable in every aspect.  For the record, my son accepted the answer as it is and proceeded with other questions occupying his young and curious mind.

To be very frank about it, I was secretly relieved in how the conversation turned out ,being often wary about how most children nowadays get to always have their way with their parents. I believe that a healthy dose of character-building can be obtained from observing age-old traditions such as the Pabasa.  It does not only offer an excuse to bring families together but observation of traditions that come like clockwork offer a sense of stability in a world devoid of permanency.

My Say

Actively involving our children with family and community traditions introduces them to their future responsibilities.  It makes them realize that there is a world beyond our homes and a family beyond our own families.  There are many things parents say and do that can be challenged by their children but these developing minds should know that there are some things that are simply not open to questioning.






Martinez Family Pabasa 2012 Photos Courtesy of Butch Panergo

Parents have the responsibility to ensure that their own children are provided access to the processes that would allow them to lead productive lives in the future. One of the most fundamental processes is that of academic learning which typically requires a number of years of formal schooling. As opposed to practical learning which can be derived from daily life with or without written or oral instructions, academic learning requires specific methodologies to be effective.

When we submit our children to the traditional educational system, we signify our acceptance of school policies. Inherent in these policies is measuring the performance of a child through test results and this is where the stress and pressure commonly felt by children and parents alike arises. The general idea is not simply to pass a certain level but to hurdle it in flying colors through excellent grades.

With the exception of a few gifted children who need not burn the candle lights in order to excel in school, an average child will have to put in considerable effort and time to achieve the same result. Parents are sometimes put in a very perplexing spot when a child hits a particularly rough spot in the learning process. Should parents push or restrain themselves from intervening?

Pushing or forcing a child to study more borders on the thin line that separates supportive and abusive methods. Children have different capabilities and it is the job of the parent to determine their own children's level. By knowing this, parents will be able to determine whether they are dealing with study problems caused by lack of effort or genuine stumbling blocks that can be remedied by environmental changes or professional help.

My Say

I personally do not advocate pushing children's study to the point of punishing them but neither do I advocate allowing children to resign themselves to mediocrity. Parents sometimes make wrong decisions in their eagerness to provide the best opportunities for their children and I have to admit I've had my share. In our home, my children are made to understand that they are expected to do the best they can in the same manner that my husband and I are expected to lend our full support in all aspects of their learning. No one is allowed to give up before the fight is over.

That said, I cannot ask for anything beyond the best of what my children can offer but I will most certainly not settle for their least efforts. When their best has been offered, I rest my case regardless of results.