Handling a Child's Performance in School

6:56 AM




The first quarterly exams of my children in school was scheduled for last week put pushed through only this week because of the forced vacation brought upon by the non-stop rains and flood.  My children were ecstatic with every day of announcement of no classes.  As for me, I wasn't as thrilled as them not only because I knew what kind of tragedy this kind of unpredictable weather can bring to us and other people, but also because of the prolonged burden of the unfinished exams.  Every exams week is a dreaded time not only for my children but also for myself who studies with them.

I know for a fact that it isn't just me.  Many mothers I talk to in school feel exactly the same way. We all look forward to the end of every examination week for four quarters in a school year, maybe much more than our children do. Sometimes, our children appear more relaxed than we are that we cannot help laughing at the realization that we might just be taking the tests too seriously.

Notwithstanding this  realization, we still cannot help but feel anxious just the same.  After all, we are the ones who will hear the verdict of their school performance from their teachers when card-giving day comes.  It is us who will have to hear where are children  are supposed to be needing more support.  For any parent who is fully involved in his/her children's studies, the comments, however well-intentioned come out more personal than they should.

Truly supportive parents literally die a little every time they have to receive not-so-good news about their child's performance in school whether in relation to academics or conduct.  They tend to question their capability to provide sufficient support for their child in school matters.  Many go through a cycle of guilt trips, racking their brains to determine where they still could have possibly gone wrong in spite of such obvious dedication to the welfare of their child.

Many parenting books suggest allowing the children their independence especially in studies and school relationships.  It is quite difficult however for parents not to intervene especially when they very well know that the difference between passing and failing or between simply passing and excelling is just a little parental nudge.  Real-life parents want their children to succeed and it is probably the height of hypocrisy when we say we don't want that for own children. 

My Say

It is so difficult to find the right balance in every parent-child issue.  There is simply no clear-cut single answer to every question that arises.  Parents can only do the best they can and fervently hope that they have done enough.

That said, tomorrow is the last day of exams, tomorrow I can finally heave a sigh of relief until the next quarter comes. Maybe several tomorrows after that, I can finally leave the studying to my children.


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26 comments

  1. I don't like it when my kids has no classes for some reason.American education is too far behind, many just thought that they are advance but in fact they are not. What I do is teach my kids at home .I want them to learn more from me.

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    1. I was under the impression that American education was way advanced than our education here. This just shows that parents will have some hand on their children's studies wherever we are located.

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  2. I can remember the feeling of a prolonged agony of a delayed exam like it makes such a difference having the exam before the Christmas break and after it. You get to enjoy more once the test is hurdled.

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    1. I totally agree. it's hard to enjoy your breaks knowing you'll have to spare time to review instead of just having fun! Thank God I'm done with school!!!

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  3. my child feels sad when she doesn't have school but only because she's still in Kinder. I tell her i hope you still feel that excitement even if you are in grade school

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  4. Kids with parents who study with them are so fortunate, although it's just the right thing that parents should do to their Children. However, not all parents realize that reinforcing the kids' studies at home is very helpful. Kudos to a mother like you!

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  5. Today's the last day of my daughter's exams, and I'm anxious as hell!
    Yes, we parents feel the pressure more than they do. I guess that's where progressive schools or those multiple intelligence schools differ. They don't put a premium on homework and exams, and instead focus on developing a child's individual talents and skills. I don't know, I have to read up more on the topic :)

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  6. I tell my kids that if they don't want to review, they better listen very well to their teachers. If not, they will definitely fail the exams. They cannot blame anyone but themselves.

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  7. Being the eldest in a brood of four and the one that pretty much oversees the school work of my 3rd and 4th siblings, I embedded to them the 'attitude' my elders forced me into: "do you own work and ask when you really really need it."

    But I don't forget to commend them for a job well done or give them tips when they get low scores, esp. the third child who is more into extracurricular activities.

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  8. Constant follow up, spend time for the kids in tutoring them could be some of the appropriate solution to raise kids' performance in school.

    By the way, give them time to play too.

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  9. hands-on in teaching or studying with our children is a great help to our kids, it is not only the teaching that counts but also the bonding time with them... I do too teach my kids way back then, but now I'm currently out of the country and they are now in their teen years...

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  10. that is so true. some times it takes so hard to convince the child to study. i am not a parent but i am the one paying for the whole year tuition of my 2 nieces. to get back what i spent i inspire or "forced" them to do better at school by promising that if both of them are 1st or top of the class they will both go to Disneyland Hong Kong ha ha ha ha the older one is top of the class but the younger was in the top 10. we'll see what happens when the school closes in March =)

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  11. my mother was my tutor when i was young.. as i grow older, she slowly taught me how to study by myself.. it was an effective way to make me responsible and independent at the same time.

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  12. I used to dread final exams because back then, I remembered my mom would drill me like a sergeant in boot camp. But in the end it pays off. I'm often one of the lucky few who will enjoy the last quarter each schoolyear not having to worry about the last final exams because I was usually exempted from it. And I thank my mom's drilling for that.

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  13. as long as they don't rely on a tutor too much, it's probably possible that they'll learn on their own.

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  14. I thank God for Davao weather is good. About tutorial, I myself give tutorial to my kids. I want to see them improving. And I am teaching them to study independently, if they have questions that I can't answer my father, a retired Master Teacher 1 will do the explaining.

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  15. I haven't been in the momhood stage of where you are now but i know that feeling. my mom used to do it before when my siblings and I went to school. it's a burden when children don't have classes and exams postponed. but i guess it's a challenge for the mom to put their kids to more engaging study time.

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  16. I was too dependent on my tutor before but i found out that can be bad.

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  17. i wonder if it was just my generation or it was just me that parents then were not that involved, but you see now, parents specially moms, they are really very involved in children's schooling. :)

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  18. Time management in terms of kids play time and tutoring time is a must.

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  19. Nice tip. I have always treated learning as play, enjoy while studying.

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  20. Let the child do whatever the child wants to do as long as it cannot cause harm. From at least 18 months to 3 years, they should learn autonomy, they should learn how to deal and manage their own bodies. It's significant to their self-esteem when they hit the right age.

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  21. Take this from a mother blogger, I will suggest that all mothers must read this.

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  22. I guess I have to anticipate this once my daughter starts schooling. :D

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  23. it's good that you are a hands-on parent.

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  24. When I was young, my mom and dad helped me in doing my assignments...but they were not worried about my exams... :D

    Parents really have a great role in their child's performance in school. It's nice to know that you are a very supportive mom to them. :)

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