A Mother's Fear

7:25 PM


This photo has always brought chills to my heart, not because it shows a dead person but because it shows my father (the smallest boy with bow tie) and his older brothers mourning the death of their mother at a very tender age.  I cannot fully fathom the feelings of children who are left by one or both parents much too soon.  I even wonder how the mother feels (if there is such a thing as feelings after life) for having to leave such unprepared and innocent beings behind.

Leaving my children too early has been my secret fear for a long time.  I became aware of it from the moment I had my first child.  I feel responsible for seeing through all my children's needs to the end that I actually feel scared that something will happen to prevent me from doing that.  The desire to protect them at all cost and provide the best for them came on instinct and not by some complex motherly plan or delegation.

If there was such a thing as a plan, it would be to stay alive at least until my children are able to take care of themselves.  I would consider it a gift if I will still be here until my youngest has her own family.  I have managed my fear so far with prayers, believing that God will let me finish His plan for me.

Yesterday however, my secret fear came rushing back to my senses after an indescribable pain came over my body after an especially stressful event.  My initial thoughts were on my children.  Will they be alright without me?  Will they get to finish school?  Can my husband manage by himself? And then there is still my last obligation to my father - Ambos Mundos.  Will I get to finish it in time? 

So many things to do, so little time.  Oh Lord, Give me time...





         Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.  ~ Author Unknown


My Say

I trust that God knows what's best.

That said, I know there is nothing to fear.
                                                                                                                                                                             

You Might Also Like

22 comments

  1. I hope you are OK now. I'm sure the Lord will give in to your request. You just to trust Him and His will.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Franc Ramon, Thanks, I trust He will.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Death is just another dimension of human existence. All of us experience its cousin when we sleep. Just do what what you think is best, within your time and capacity as a person.

    I hope you feel fine at this very moment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is one thing I like about interaction that happens through comments, we get support from people we don't even know. Many thanks dimaks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope you're feeling better. We should definitely look after ourselves before the kids,because they still depend on us for everything. That is my secret fear too- not being there when my kid needs me. Let's just put our trust in Him

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Pepper! We do need to trust Him so we can live in spite of our fears.

    ReplyDelete
  7. that's also my secret fear.. to lose my mom and my dad... i dont know how to face that when the time comes... but i guess, everyone will come to that point and all i wish is for peaceful and smooth passing... no one deserves a painful one.. the loss is painful enough...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes Koko, a peaceful and smooth passing could be everyone's final wish.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I hope you are ok. Yeah parents always worry about their kids. I am still single but I can relate. I am also scared of dying but unlike you I am scared of dying alone.. ;(

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thats why when problem occurs and want to quit everythign I always thought about my kids, somehow they are my fortress and my strength without them I don't think I can bear all the trials that I encounter everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Violy, we do have individual circumstances affecting how we feel at a certain time. Here's hoping that we both do good.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes, Sahm, our children indeed provides us the strength to go on.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Be strong... I'm sending my hugs to you now..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Many thanks Ness, kind words provide much comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  15. keep your faith to the Lord, trust Him... and don't let fear hinder you to see what's real... Yahweh bless.

    ReplyDelete
  16. We will never know when our time will come. But one thing's for sure: God will not call you back home for as long as you still have something here to do for Him. I'm sure that you still do. Just trust in Him. All will be well.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Trust in Him is never in question although my human side which is susceptible to fear always is. Thanks Adeline.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Death is something that most people feared of. When someone who died that I knew, I always remember all the good things they he/she did and not the bad things.

    ReplyDelete
  19. your posted saying above is so true...keep faith, pray harder and all your fears will disappear.

    ReplyDelete
  20. that is also the greatest fear of me and Noel. I hope that someone will take care of Ren when that time comes. Also, we hope we can leave him a huge amount of money before that day comes so that he can take care of himself. I hope that you are okay now ate.

    ReplyDelete

Let us know what you think